Rejected Show Pitches

While selecting the three shows to premiere for the site (first pilot appears tomorrow!) I found myself having to cast several ideas by the wayside. Though there are some inventive, unique shows in mind, I felt that some either wouldn't have the longevity needed, or simply weren't up to par.

I'm sure the selection process will interest you as much as it did me so I've decided to share a couple of the rejectees with you today. Maybe someday these ideas will see the light of day, but hopefully not...

Pallet
Schizophrenic pre-op transexual detective becomes a serial killer and then dedicates their life to finding the killer.

Sample:
Intro: Davina Brown stars into a cracked mirror inside a seedy apartment in Downtown Miami.

"He thinks he can hide from me? I'm Davina Brown, the finest this city has ever seen and the classiest broad this street has ever known. He can't hide from me, I'll find him, and I'll put him away."

"Stop talking about your dick, Davina! I'm going to the store, you need anything?"

"It's detective Ron! He's a detective that's on the lam. When we find him, we find out who committed this terrible crime. Jesus Christ Ron, do you have any ibuprofen, my head is.. it's killing me, gahhhh!" Davina falls into the floor convulsing in pain.

"You'll never find me Davina, not without finding yourself..."

"Who is that? Who's there- ahhhhh!" Davina passes out in a cold sweat. Seconds later her eyes open looking around the room and taking in her surroundings. A small devious smile crosses her lips and a twinkle glints in her eye.

"At least this chick's got good taste in drapes."

Rejected:

Alexis Arquette was unavailable. For some reason...

If You Know What I Mean

A Show of Innuendo

Sample:

John: So Barbie, do you want me to go get your mail for you, if you know what I mean?

Barbie: Whoa ho ho! I sure do know what you mean! Maybe while you're out there you could put my outgoing mail into your slot... if you know what I mean?

John: Ooh you minx! Well you know the postman only delivers once a day, but I can check it as many times as you like, if you know what I mean!

Barbie: Ooh, check it baby, check it hard! Put some prepaid postage on it! YES! PACKAGE WEIGHT if you know what I mean!

John: Oh GOD!

Rejected:










Self explanatory

Life blogging: Taking your online life offline

Sample: Office Space

"Well no Mr. Johnson, L-O-L! I think your idea is quite dumb and- wait, delete delete delete. I think your idea is quite inspired yet unrealistic.

"What's that Mr. Turner, you want to know what I thought of Mr. Johnson's idea? Well I just told Mrs. Cross yesterday, let me copy you what I said to her, ctl-c, ctl-v. CU L8R!

"Oh emm gee Sarah, that's hilarious! Pardon me while I roll on the floor laughing my black ass off!"

Rejected:









ASCPA/PETA issues with execution of cat macros.



I Fell In Love with a Gay Man!
Exploitation-esque sequences on how to get what you can't have.

Sample: Obsession For Men.. Who Love Men: Establishing Behaviors and Getting to Know Your Gay.

"Did you know I have mom issues?"

"Mom issues? Really? Wow, a gay man with mom issues, and I'm sure they're special unique butterfly mom issues."

"They are. My mom went through the greater part of her life thinkiing her next reincarnation would be that of the ancient Egyptian Butterfly pharaonominus fancicillus. She gave me the middle name Chrysallis. When I was four she swaddled me in rosin for six days and wouldn't feed, bathe, or heed my cries claiming that if she helped me escape the cocoon it would make me weak and I would die. Social services was called in and I was adopted for a short time by a Mexican Federale who would become my mother's lesbian lover."

"Huh. I- I guess that would qualify as special unique butterfly mother issues."

"They're actually indigenous to Asia, but there's a special strain in the heart of the Congo, where my soul lives."

"That's so beautiful!"

"You're a really good listener."

"Would you like to move in together?"

Sample: How to tell him you don't want to bone him without hurting his feelings thus making you unattainable, sympathetic, and desirable.

"Honey look, I think you're handsome. I do, I really do. It's just that... I'm not attracted to you. Like, well, you know how you feel about girls? That's... that's pretty much how I feel about you. Yes, I normally find men attractive, but, well, you've seen my ideal man, right? Okay, this is going off track. Alright, would I be adverse to seeing you in a man sandwich? No! In fact I think that little bit of dysfunction would only serve to strengthen our bond, do I want to be the tomato in that sandwich? Well, honey you know how I feel about tomatoes...

You want to move in tomorrow?"

Rejected:

It works... too well. Unexpected flack from PFLAG and GLAAD, and bad press due to Scientology affiliation. Regardless the book is the number one underground seller.