The SSSS....: 7/29/07

Friday, August 3, 2007

Culture Clash: Tales From the Couch - Shannon's Side

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Ask A ____ : Advice From Nate Hamilton, Someone Who Knows

Ever needed the answer to a question, but couldn't find the right person to ask? Well now you'll finally have top notch advice from the experts. Emo kids, what color of eye shadow really brings out angst? Militant blacks, where's the best place to find marker that won't smudge during rainy
protests? Astrology buffs, what sign are you? Find all of that out and more in our bi-weekly advice column!

Next Up: Nate Hamilton

Blackfolk!

Do you have problems?

Well of course you do!

Well, Nate Hamilton is here to help. Now, full disclosure, Nate Hamilton is
a white guy (although pretty fly he has to admit), but don't let that
put you off. Haven't you always wanted an honest insight into the heads of white people? Sure you can ask your white friends (if you have any), but can you really trust them not to try to spare your feelings? Nate Hamilton is dedicated to helping you, black person, to get the full skinny on how decent, liberal, understanding white folk think about you.

Nate Hamilton can help you out with all the problems you face every second of the day as a black person. He beleives that black people, having to walk around 24/7 as a black person are often too close to their own problems to have a balanced, fully informed vista of their situation. As a white person, and therefore having no investment in any race issues, can provide that
perspective. Additionally Nate Hamilton can bring forth his full experience as a Sociology and Anthropology major, as well as his interest in black culture to bear on the situation. Nate Hamilton knows that black folks often don't or can't read, and therefore can't appreciate the full insight that reading authors like Maya Angelou and Terry Mcmillan, as well as listening to socially conscious rap can provide them as a black person.

Send Nate Hamilton your questions now without delay! Can you really function
as a black person without his insight for much longer?

'-^^\~~~/^^-'

Q: I am a black woman who has worked hard to get where I am. All through life I've had to do twice as much to get just half of the recognition. I am tired of playing second fiddle to so called managers that I am more qualified than! I want to ask for a raise and promotion, but they have very few people of color in management (there's one, the boss's illegitimate son whom they've told he's white) so I'm not sure how to ask. Any tips?

Sister Soljah,

Dewahn Jenkins

A. Dear DeWahn,

Calm down!

And I'm not saying that in a patronising way. 99% of the time, the business world is all about presenting yourself in the calmest, clearest, and least aggressive manner possible. You already have a difficult stereotype to work against in that respect being a black woman. You're not going to improve matters by declaiming in every other sentence about how great you are, how much harder you've had it, how you're sick and tired, and lobbing exclamation marks and "Sistah Soljah" out like Angry Black Lady confetti. People who talk like that in everyday conversation often allow that attitude to bleed into their professional deelings, and nobody wants to give a promotion to somebody who gives the impression of thinking they deserve it just because they're black.

Especially as it seems like your workplace has problems with black people. Only one black person in management? That's got to tell you something right there. This is a pity, but a sad reality for many black professional people in America. Tragically the scourge of insititutionalised racism has not yet been stamped out in Corporate America. Did you know that on average black people in America earn less than white people? Often for doing the same jobs? Sure things are getting better, but there are still some small pockets of resistance out there, and its your bad luck to have fallen into one of them.

So I had three courses of action to suggest to you Dehwan. The first is the most straightforward, the latter two are the more "controversial options" :

1) Leave the firm. You deserve better than to have work in such a racist
environment. If you're as qualified and intelligent as you say you are, you
should have no problem getting a job with a non-racist organisation.

2) So your boss has an illegitimate bastard son eh? It's a risky proposition, but
I'd suggest digging around for a little bit more dirt on him. My own personal
family experience tells me that if someone's sired one bastard, he's probably
sired at least a couple more somewhere with several different women. If this guy
can use his illegitimacy as an emotional blackmail tool (as bastards so often
do) against your boss so you can you. Find another scandal, and use it to make
your boss see the advantages of keeping you around with your mouth shut.

3) Change your name. I know this might sound insulting Dehwanna, but
it's definitely a step to consider. Most people when they're doing business want
to feel like they're dealing with someone mature, professional, literate and
competent. They want to deal with a Stacey, or an Elizabeth, or a Rebecca, not a
Dewhanna, or a Shaniqua, or a Destinique. You might have managed to transcend
your ghetto roots, but an unprofessional sounding name can be a curse on any
business career. For instance, my parents decided to call me Heron and I'm sure
you can see the problems that game me when applying for a career in credit
management.

Hope I've been of service to you, and good luck with your raise/promotion!

Nate

'-^^\~~~/^^-'

Q. Why do white people want to say the N-Word so much? They don't really want to do they?

Curiously Offended

Charley

A. Dear Charley,

First of all I'd like to make it clear from the outset that I've never used the n word outside of academic discussion, and have no particular desire to either. I know of the word's disgusting history, with slaves and lynchings and Jim Crow laws, and all of the other historical injustices visited upon black people. so even if I wanted to use it, I wouldn't. So for this question I'm only going for my best estimate of what other white people might think.

Remember when you were a child Charley? Remember how your mother would always put the cookie jar up on the top shelf and tell you not to touch it otherwise you'd get a hiding? The fact that you're not allowed something makes it all the more tempting. If your mother had left the cookie jar out in plain sight you probably wouldn't have wanted the cookies - or would have had one and then wandered off. But because there's an added sense of danger, you'll climb up those drawers, grab the cookie jar, and overindulge yourself.

That's what the n word must be like for the majority of unenlightened white people. Because it's a taboo word people get a frisson of danger and excitement from saying it. Obviously I don't want to suggest that you or any other black person restrain your self-expression in any way, but if all black people from tomorrow decided they weren't going to react when the n word was used ; if they just rolled their eyes and let it slide, the word would be robbed of its danger and power, and eventually people would stop using it all together.

Such a Utopian world I envisage!

Nate

'-^^\~~~/^^-'

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