Ask A ____ : Advice From NCog001, Someone Who Knows

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Next Up: NCognegro
My government name is Nunyo B.I. Bidness, but I go by Ncognegro (Ncog for short). I don't have any actual qualifications from any learning institution, but I have been associated with people who seem to dive head first into wacky ass situations. There's not much out there I haven't seen or dealt with myself, so nothing surprises me anymore, and I usually know how a situation is going to turn out. To be forewarned, I like to tell it like it is, and I could give a damn if people like me. But if you want to know what I think, I'll never steer you wrong, or at least you won't be in worse shape than I found you in.

Q. I've been going out with this guy who I really like for about two months now and we talk everyday we go out together every weekend. He already told me he loved me and I told him he has to give me time but that I really like him a lot. The problem is that he hasn't asked me to be with him! I'm ready for a serious long term relationship. How can I get him to ask without saying that directly? What hints can I give him that I want him to ask me to be his girlfriend?

A. Okay,
You really should've brought this up already. The second he told you he loved you, you should've said "But I'm not even you're girlfriend", and he most likely would've either asked you right then and there, or beat around the bush a bit. Either way, you would have a clear message as to his intentions. At this point, I don't think hints are appropriate. If you told him you needed time, he might be backing off for fear of pushing you away. Tell him that you're ready for a committed relationship, and if he's willing, you'd be more than happy to be his girlfriend.


'-^^\~~~/^^-'

Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for over 14 months. A couple weeks ago he told me he was not happy living with me and does not think we can carry on living together. His main complaints was that he needed his own space and felt suffocated. However, he told me he doesn't necessarily want to break up. I was furious and told him if he did not want to try and work it out and live together then the relationship is over. We've talked about it several times already and we both can't come to any fair agreements. Now we are both moving out at the end of the month. Is there any hope or should I move on?

A. If you look closely, you answered your own question:

"...told him if he did not want to try and work it out and live together then the relationship is over."

He was willing to still to work on the relationship, but you gave him an ultimatum. I can tell you first hand, guys hate that. If he hasn't already moved on, you need to ask yourself, is this relationship worth compromise on your part. If not, fuck it! Move on! But if it is, then ask yourself honestly what could be gained or lost by separate living arrangements. One thing you should realize is, guys spend their early adult hood running from their parents house, trying to establish a life / space of their own. Sometimes if they lose that sense, they panic. Eventually, if life was good, guys will come back and realize what they were worried about wasn't that important. Or they'll move back into their parents basement and try (unsuccessfully) to start a band.

'-^^\~~~/^^-'

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