Culture Clash: Tales From the Couch - Shannon's Side

Follow CerebralShrike as he delves into the hearts and minds of a couple on the edge of a culture clash. Despite their love for each other Quashonnan (Shannon) Perry and Santiago Ibarra find themselves often misunderstanding and misinterpreting their unique ethnic differences.

As they approach the alter to solidify themselves as one, they must first learn how to function as individuals and accept each others as proud representatives of their heritage.

Shannon and Santiago will each attend a counseling session separately and then together to see if they can create a bond using only the culture of love.

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Session Two: Shannon Speaks:

I really don't know what I'm doing here today. No, you don't understand. I really don't know what I'm doing here today. I mean, no, Santi and I aren't perfect, but I don't think we need to see some shrink. He's always so damn dramatic about everything, one time my Mama asked him when he was going to mow the lawn and he was this close to calling NOMAR on her! He's so sensitive.

I guess I should talk more about my fiancee Santiago. What is there to say? He's wonderful. He's strong, and kind and loving and he is FINE! But some things he does really do annoy me. Is that what I'm here to talk about? Just tell me at what point I'm supposed to blame my mother. I know how you shrinks work. Psh...we should talk about his mother! Oh... okay. Well, she's rude. She screams a lot. And she had the nerve to try and teach me how to make her nasty tortillas. Yuck! I don't think so.

I just wish he'd calm down sometimes. For instance, he keeps making this tired joke whenever it's dinner time and I put some food in front of him. No, we did not run out of chicken. Stop saying that! It wasn't even funny the first time. Mind you, we've never actually had chicken at our place...unless you want to count the arroz con pollo he brought over from his mom's house. Argh! I told myself I wasn't going to talk entirely about that woman. You could really fill up some space in your notebook if I went into great detail about how much she bothers me.

Well she's just trifling. Of course she wanted her baby to marry some Chicano goddess from the block or whatever JLo has them thinking and instead he comes in with some -and this is a direct quote- "some ghetto hood rat that thinks she's cidity". Please, she don't know me! Santi tells me to just shake it off so that's what I'm going to do now.

Anywho, I'll tell you about the night we met. It was at a club. I really didn't feel like going anywhere, but my friend told me that we'd spend just a few minutes there and then we'd jet over to her boyfriend's place to watch a movie with his cousin that she was trying to set me up with. I didn't care one way or the other. The guy was kinda slimy and he had roving hands. Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I?

Well, I'm sitting at the bar and Santiago comes over and gives me this weird look like if there was something in his eye. I don't know, he was creeping me out a little. But I never turn down a free drink, especially when I can guzzle it and then show him pictures of me and my "fiancee" on my cam phone. The pictures were really of me and my gay friend, Tony, but it works every time. Santiago wasn't bad looking and he made me laugh with this really corny joke about coffee and an old married couple. We talk for a minute and I give him my number.

On our first date he gets all paranoid because a group of Black people sitting together kinda stares at us as we walk into the restaurant. I told him not to worry about it but he wanted to puff his chest out and whatnot. I should have known it was a sign of things to come. He acts the same way when our downstairs neighbor, Jamal, gets up in the morning and picks up his newspaper from the patio. I guess he feels threatened. But what is he gonna do, get buck in front of every Black man we come across? Lord! He'll get his ass kicked!

Anyhow, things kind of started going downhill after he proposed and we moved in together. I guess I've just gotten too used to being independent because the first thing I did when I moved into that testosterone filled man pad was give it a touch of me. I got rid of his janky Sugar Hill alarm clock and replaced it with a state of the art sound machine I got from Sharper Image. I took down his bulldog poker hanging and replaced it with some art from the local fair. I classed up the joint and all Santi can do is complain about not being able to find his stuff. Whatever, it needed to be thrown out.

I don't know doc, I love him so much, but I don't know how long this is going to last. What did Santi say to you? Oh, I know you can't tell me, but maybe if I knew how he felt? He always tries to tell me but I get defensive and we just end up arguing. It's like one giant culture clash between us.

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Next time on Culture Clash: Tales From the Couch Santiago and Shannon will attend a session together and see where they agree and disagree.